Bullshit Social Media Tactics

By now you've realized that all those fan/followers are mostly fake account with zero real people behind them. But congrats! You have a big number. Its like starting your ruler at 6 inches. Fake and useless.

Hey! We're talking about the conversion rates of Pinterest vs Facebook! Why do you keep tweeting the same thing about visiting your ice cream recipe blog? Stick to the conversation, putz!

Oh you want to be first on the list on my Facebook and my phone? Well I tell you what, the people with the little ' before their name so they avoid being alphabetized are instantly put on the "Douchebag List". It makes it really easy to categorize you in my head and ignore. Thanks!

I've only ever seen this done right ONCE! @Bonobos gives you a nice coupon as a Thank You for following them. Every other time I've seen this tried I have to give up an email address or sign up for something to redeem it. #Fail.

There is NO reason to trick people into reading your content. If your topic is interesting, people will read it. You don't need to put "Obama eats Babies" to make a good political blog post. Let's be genuine people.

Really? You have to trick people to get engagement? If you're having trouble engaging people maybe you should evaluate the crap you put out before resorting to finding out how many of your followers are fools. I won't condone it, but try posting a Cat Photo with your message on it. That seem to be popular.

This isn't really a tactic, but if you're still using flash in a mobile world, you're alienating a ton of people. That autoplay music that has a the smallest stop button in world hidden in one of the corners of your website also needs to stop!

I just followed you one twitter, why are you sending people to your Facebook? If you don't want to engage on Twitter, get off! Send me some conversation before you send me somewhere else.

The posts are stacked by the most recent, shouldn't the most recent information do the same? If you made a mistake, own it and correct yourself. Don't let someone read the whole article just to find out half the information you wrote initially was false, Schmuck.

If you haven't heard of the Lowe's Racist Fiasco (http://ow.ly/cU2Pw), then you should do some reading. Some information, just doesn't need to be on Social Media. Write a memo or a press release.